In regards to the post a few days down, about how i can see God's handy work in preperation for Alix's return, I forgot to mention this;
God has also enabled me to see that i'm not only not a bad parent, but that i'm actualy a pretty good mum.
When we meet or hear of a troubled kid who acts out a lot, we automaticaly assume that child has come from a troubled home. A home where they are being neglected of attention and affection. I'm guilty of assuming that myself when i meet other rotten kids.
And people have always assumed that of Alix. In fact, we've NEVER been able to get Alix the counciling and medical attention she desprately needs. Because EVERYONE just assumes that all Alix needs, is a few hugs, encouragement, and positive reinforcement.
I have 2 other children who are very happy, well adjusted and stable.
I've always tried to treat my kids the same.
And yet i just believed what the general attitude was. I felt like a bad mother, a failure, because all my efforts to raise Alix right were fruitless.
In the time that Alix has been away, i've had the time to really see my two other children.
I didn't realise untill now, just how much time i was spending on Alix, and in turn, neglecting my other two. The past eight months have been spent really getting to know them and enjoying them. They are great kids with a great sense of humour. Awesome talents and great schooling habits. I knew all this before, but it was more of a relief because i didn't have to worry about them at the same time as worrying about Alix.
I look at these two wonderful kids and i realise something i've never allowed myself to entertain in my mind - I'm a good mum. I really am a good mum. I might not be a sports mum who enrolls her kids into every sport. And i might not be active with the P&C school commitee.
But i respect my children, i listen to them, & i welcome their ideas and viewpoints.
I encourage them to be the best people they can be, both at home, and in the communitee.
We are affectionate with each other. Rose isn't a kissy huggy person, but she likes har back rubbed and her hair played with. Jason loves kisses & cuddles, and sitting close on the couch.
Jason likes collecting little rocks and Rose can't throw out any piece of paper.
We play together and i'd drop whatever i'm doing to read them a story book.
I'm doing my best to raise happy little soldiers for God, who will see God as a loving father, rather than a big judge with a big stick.
I am a good mum, and i know that when Alix comes home, how i deal with her will now be motivated more by fairness and love, rather than guilt.

I couldn't see any of this before, but with Alix gone, God has let me see.

Thanks God :o)
*
(BTW "Parenthood" is one of my favourite all time movies :o)