Wow, i can't believe it's been over a year since i've been here! Stuff has happened between God and i, and i've thought about writing about it here. But i just haven't been as committed to this blog as i have some of my others. Is that a reflection on my walk with God, where it's at and my priorities? Honestly...maybe :o/
When i write here, i feel closer to God. So i will step it up a bit.

This post will be about Alix, My oldest daughter....

 Alix left our home when she was 14, to go and live with her Dad in another state [her choice]. Alix had always been a demanding, whiny, draining and rebellious kid And we constantly butted heads. Hence our relationship has always been strained.
When she went away, i worried. God made me a promise though, that she would come back, things would be different, and for the better.
I struggled at times to have faith in that promise. To cut a long story short, Alix had a relationship with a man 3 times her age, quit school, started living on the city streets - sleeping in shop exits. Begged for drug,booze & food money. Mutilated her face by deeply cutting it up in a drunken stupor. Slept with anyone who'd have her, and got pregnant to who knows who.
She asked me if i'd take the baby. She wanted to move back home, have the baby and leave it here. Then move back to the city, alone. At first John and i said we would. But then we changed our minds because of various reasons.

Alix moved home and she was different. Confused, scared and a little disorientated, but overall she had changed for the better. A bit quieter, not so easy to anger and a bit easier to reason with. Another big change was in me. I had had enough time away from her where i had developed patience with her. It was like God had helped me to see the heart in her that he sees, and for the first time in her life, i can appreciate her to some degree, and actually enjoy being with her half the time. Things are still tender, but defiantly on a healing road. Like a seemingly dead plant with a fresh, new green sprout coming up from the roots!

I think the baby has a big part to do with it too. Because he's something that i can relate to her with. And he is something she needs me with. So he is like a bonding gel that God has used to bring us back together.

I can not put into words how grateful to God i am for this awesome situation! Like a mother hen with her chickens all gathered together, i feel complete as a mother.
So many nights i lay in bed and wondered if God really was going to move on the situation. But he would whisper to me, repeating his promise. I would confide in him that even though i wasn't sure, i would lay all the faith i had out to him and trust him with it.
I see now that Alix had to go through all that crap. She has an extreme personality and had to experience extreme things.
When she came home, she said how she loved being here where she knew she was loved and wanted. Something she had forgotten, living on the streets where people only 'loved' you when you had something they wanted.
Since she's been home, she's been going to church and bible study etc, and soaking it all up.

Over the last two weeks, she's had to go to the next town for blood tests etc due to complications with the pregnancy and she's been feeling quite vulnerable, open and raw. We've spent a lot of close traveling time together and had some awesomely open conversations that i thought we'd never have! I've gotten to know different aspects of Alix and I've seen more of myself in her at that age than i thought was possible. At the same time, she's realised that she can trust me enough to talk about personal things that she didn't think she could before.
It's all just so awesome, and i can't express my gratitude enough!