I have always prided myself on making John feel special and appreciated. Too many people get married and forget the importance of lifting each other up every day. I vowed I'd never forget to make sure John knew what a wonderful man he is!
Anyway, about 2 months ago i started noticing changes in John. I knew the changes all too well, he was developing depression. I told him he needed to see a doctor but he refused. So i left him to it. But i knew it wasn't just a hurdle he could "get over".
Then his behaviour started getting annoying and without me realising it, my compliments and affections slowed down and almost stopped.
Why would i do that? Why would i not purposefully emotionally nurture the man i loved? The man who is my soul mate? How can i go from the loving wife during the good times, and throw him out on his own, to the sharks during the bad times, when he needs me the most?
Sinful nature. We do not love unconditionally, even when are sure that we do. No matter how much of Gods grace we think we show, It has it's limits within us.
One night i was laying in bed, talking to God in the darkness, as i do. When he pointed out to me
that i was abandoning my precious husband in his time of need, when he needed me the absolute most!
I didn't realise until then, what I'd been doing [or not doing]
So i got up the next morning, made my husband breakfast, and told him how much i love him, and what a great husband he is!
Since then I've looked for opportunities to lift him up.
He's been to the doctor to talk about his depression, and he's been given B12 shots.
He's feeling a lot better, but i really think that it's more because I'm doing my job like I'm supposed to. I can see in hindsight, that my lack of compassion for him, made his problem worse. I can also see that my affections slowed down even before he started showing signs of depression for some unknown reason, maybe contributing to the depression in the first place.
I love my Johnny. He means the world to me. Life would be bitter sweet without him!
I guess getting slack for the first time in 9 years isn't too bad really. But i can now see that my behaviour not only hurt John, but it hurt me AND our marriage.
I won't allow it to happen again.
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Thanks God, For being in charge of our marriage. And for us allowing you to be in charge :o)