I went to the prayer healing 2 days ago. And as of yet, nothing has happened. I went with an open heart as i was instructed to. I was told to expect big things from God, and i did. Even if it was just a whisper of guidance from him - I expected it.
Last week at church, there was a guest speaker. Near the end of his sermon, he closed his eyes [because he didn't want anyone to think he was talking to them, if he looked at them] and said that "there is someone in the room that"......me. He was talking directly to me. Well the spirit was, through him. And i told the speaker that afterwards.
I thought then for sure that God was going to have stuff to say to me at the prayer healing.
I have never felt further away from God as i do right now. I have surrendered everything to him as best as i know how.
At the prayer healing, spiritual ties were broken. Such as rejection, familiarity, and religion.
I kept telling the two women that i know i need to work on things. And they kept assuring me that i have done what i can, to the best of my ability at the moment. Only God can do the rest. And i can only do it with him.
But where is he?
They told me that the "Angel on the bed" telling me what was said in the post before the last one, could very well have been a demonic thing. Because God never puts people in their place without showing them how to deal with the problem.
Great, so now i can't even trust those moments!
My life feels like a black hole right now, and i don't know how to get out. I feel like i could claw at my chest just to get rid of my black heart. I'm persistently reaching for God, but i can't find him. I'm listening for his voice and all i can hear is white noise.
I desperately wish i knew what the problem is! And i wish even more desperately that i could feel God's loving arms around me! Oh how i wish that!