At the end of 2011 i had a series of light bulb moments that told me i had run out of excuses with my ongoing weight problem. And somehow, all those excuses got turned into positives - like i started seeing them differently.

So i planned to completely overhaul my life on Jan 1 2012. Everything started falling into place. And there were other signs of providence. Our summer has been unusually cool [i have a medical problem caused by sweat] So i've been easily able to exercise all summer. Our Wii needs replacing as it wont read discs 80% of the time. But each time i've put an exercise disc in [nearly every day], it works. He has provided for me, and i am grateful!

I also decided to start a weight loss support group and it's going well for a new group.

It's just all happening and it's awesome! :o)

I read back through a few posts, looking for something. And i read the post about Alix coming home to have her baby. I honestly thought God had answered my prayers and full filled his promise to reunite us under better conditions.

Well things actually became worse. Alix had her baby - A beautiful baby boy called Daniel [DJ]. But instead of buckling down & learning to be a good parent, she just wanted to go back to her old life and leave me to look after Daniel. I tried to guide her, encourage her and teach her without bossing her around. But it was just too hard for her. When Daniel was 5 weeks old, and it was the middle of winter, she moved out to sleep on a friends couch. A friend who lives in a tiny house with indoor smokers, and the plan was to leave DJ sleeping in the pram next to her all the time. She tried to take DJ but i wouldn't let her, so she called the Police and tried to have me charged with kidnapping.

The Police came and made us let DJ go with her, because it was her legal right. But they also lodged a DOCS report against Alix. A week later Daniel was taken from Alix by child services. They asked us if we'd be willing to raise him until Alix sought the help she needed [that they would provide]. We agreed and it's now 18mo later. Alix didn't do what was asked of her and actually signed him over to us during a DOCS meeting.

In that 18mo Alix has moved back and forth to different states and her contact with DJ has dwindled to nothing.

Alix and i have been on and off talking terms too many times to count. I even had to completely disown her at one stage because she'd only talk to me if she was drunk and/or stoned [a lot] and she'd call me to say really nasty things about what a shitty mother i am.

But through all that, i still trust in Gods promise, and i still believe he is answering my prayers. It's just a progressive work. I believe Alix will come back into the family, a changed woman for the better. A lovely, devoted Christian woman [And my bestie] had a dream that Alix will come back when she's 30. She wasn't sure if she had that mixed up with something else, But it's all good. I can wait :o)

And as for Daniel? He's a very adventurous, active and loved little boy who wants and needs for nothing! When the time comes when he asks why his mum isn't raising him, he doesn't need the details. I'll just tell him that she wasn't stable enough to be able to and that she loves him as much as she knows how.

I have a real problem with Bear Grylls. I have a problem with people who eat things while they are still alive when it's easy enough to kill them first. I hate how he takes what he wants and leaves the rest. I saw an episode where he grabbed a large catfish out of the water, gouged a large handful out of its side to eat, then left the rest of the fish...and it was still alive. Stunned, but alive. I have even gone as far as to think [and say] there is something satanic about what he does. I realise his show is about survival [his survival anyway] but how does eating things while they are alive help him 'survive'?
And everyone just loves him. WHY??? I'm always telling people they need thier head read for being entertained by what he does.
So imagine my absolute HORROR when i walked into church one day, and THIS was on the far wall?!?

It makes me sick

This week i have had an awful cough/cold. I'm fine while i'm sitting up, but as soon as i lie down, i have massive coughing fits that can last up to two hours T_T
The night before last, i prayed when i went to bed, that God would stop the cough so i could get a good nights rest. And you know what? I didn't cough once all night. But i had a crappy nights sleep because i kept waking up, expecting to cough.
So God answered my prayer, and then i expected him to default on it. How dumb is that!?!

And now it's been another year. Gee i'm slack! [I don't think anyone reads this blog anyway]
What a year. So many ups and downs and blessings!
Alix had a baby boy, Daniel [or DJ] and then thought she could just get her old life back. 5 weeks later he was removed from her care and placed with us until she proved she could parent him properly. We resigned ourselves to the fact that we will probably raise him ourselves. He's now a year old and still with us. Alix is living in another town and does her own thing. She doesn't visit DJ. I take him to her whenever i go to that town [half an hour away]
DJ is a willful, loud & adventurous little boy and i'm surprised we all survived the first year lol
But he's definitely one of us. I couldn't imagine life without him. So the last year has been quite busy for all of us, adjusting to life with a baby.
I turned 40, still trying to get healthy [baby steps]
My relationship with God has really grown, and that's the best bit :o)
I started doing a scripture journal challenge over at Faith Sisters at the beginning of the year. Here are a few of the pages i've done.

Wow, i can't believe it's been over a year since i've been here! Stuff has happened between God and i, and i've thought about writing about it here. But i just haven't been as committed to this blog as i have some of my others. Is that a reflection on my walk with God, where it's at and my priorities? Honestly...maybe :o/
When i write here, i feel closer to God. So i will step it up a bit.

This post will be about Alix, My oldest daughter....

 Alix left our home when she was 14, to go and live with her Dad in another state [her choice]. Alix had always been a demanding, whiny, draining and rebellious kid And we constantly butted heads. Hence our relationship has always been strained.
When she went away, i worried. God made me a promise though, that she would come back, things would be different, and for the better.
I struggled at times to have faith in that promise. To cut a long story short, Alix had a relationship with a man 3 times her age, quit school, started living on the city streets - sleeping in shop exits. Begged for drug,booze & food money. Mutilated her face by deeply cutting it up in a drunken stupor. Slept with anyone who'd have her, and got pregnant to who knows who.
She asked me if i'd take the baby. She wanted to move back home, have the baby and leave it here. Then move back to the city, alone. At first John and i said we would. But then we changed our minds because of various reasons.

Alix moved home and she was different. Confused, scared and a little disorientated, but overall she had changed for the better. A bit quieter, not so easy to anger and a bit easier to reason with. Another big change was in me. I had had enough time away from her where i had developed patience with her. It was like God had helped me to see the heart in her that he sees, and for the first time in her life, i can appreciate her to some degree, and actually enjoy being with her half the time. Things are still tender, but defiantly on a healing road. Like a seemingly dead plant with a fresh, new green sprout coming up from the roots!

I think the baby has a big part to do with it too. Because he's something that i can relate to her with. And he is something she needs me with. So he is like a bonding gel that God has used to bring us back together.

I can not put into words how grateful to God i am for this awesome situation! Like a mother hen with her chickens all gathered together, i feel complete as a mother.
So many nights i lay in bed and wondered if God really was going to move on the situation. But he would whisper to me, repeating his promise. I would confide in him that even though i wasn't sure, i would lay all the faith i had out to him and trust him with it.
I see now that Alix had to go through all that crap. She has an extreme personality and had to experience extreme things.
When she came home, she said how she loved being here where she knew she was loved and wanted. Something she had forgotten, living on the streets where people only 'loved' you when you had something they wanted.
Since she's been home, she's been going to church and bible study etc, and soaking it all up.

Over the last two weeks, she's had to go to the next town for blood tests etc due to complications with the pregnancy and she's been feeling quite vulnerable, open and raw. We've spent a lot of close traveling time together and had some awesomely open conversations that i thought we'd never have! I've gotten to know different aspects of Alix and I've seen more of myself in her at that age than i thought was possible. At the same time, she's realised that she can trust me enough to talk about personal things that she didn't think she could before.
It's all just so awesome, and i can't express my gratitude enough!

Two weeks ago we went on a holiday to the Gold Coast. While there we went to a TimeZone [a game arcade place] and there was one of those pain-in-the-butt claw machines full of Nintendo characters. Well, Luigi from Mario Bros is Jasons fav all time game character. Followed closely by Mario. Jason wanted one of those toys SOOOOOOO bad that he prayed earnestly to God that he would get one from the machine that day.
Well he didn't win one, John didn't win one for him, and i couldn't win one. But Rose, using her own money, won him not only a Luigi, but a Mario as well.
That was a great lesson for Jason, and i hope he remembers it!
If we ask God for something, he will answer. He knows the desires of our hearts and wants us to be happy. And he usualy doesn't answer in the way we think he will, and if his answer is in our favour, more abundantly than we expect.

I'm sure God was smiling on this face :o)