Wow, i can't believe it's been over a year since i've been here! Stuff has happened between God and i, and i've thought about writing about it here. But i just haven't been as committed to this blog as i have some of my others. Is that a reflection on my walk with God, where it's at and my priorities? Honestly...maybe :o/
When i write here, i feel closer to God. So i will step it up a bit.

This post will be about Alix, My oldest daughter....

 Alix left our home when she was 14, to go and live with her Dad in another state [her choice]. Alix had always been a demanding, whiny, draining and rebellious kid And we constantly butted heads. Hence our relationship has always been strained.
When she went away, i worried. God made me a promise though, that she would come back, things would be different, and for the better.
I struggled at times to have faith in that promise. To cut a long story short, Alix had a relationship with a man 3 times her age, quit school, started living on the city streets - sleeping in shop exits. Begged for drug,booze & food money. Mutilated her face by deeply cutting it up in a drunken stupor. Slept with anyone who'd have her, and got pregnant to who knows who.
She asked me if i'd take the baby. She wanted to move back home, have the baby and leave it here. Then move back to the city, alone. At first John and i said we would. But then we changed our minds because of various reasons.

Alix moved home and she was different. Confused, scared and a little disorientated, but overall she had changed for the better. A bit quieter, not so easy to anger and a bit easier to reason with. Another big change was in me. I had had enough time away from her where i had developed patience with her. It was like God had helped me to see the heart in her that he sees, and for the first time in her life, i can appreciate her to some degree, and actually enjoy being with her half the time. Things are still tender, but defiantly on a healing road. Like a seemingly dead plant with a fresh, new green sprout coming up from the roots!

I think the baby has a big part to do with it too. Because he's something that i can relate to her with. And he is something she needs me with. So he is like a bonding gel that God has used to bring us back together.

I can not put into words how grateful to God i am for this awesome situation! Like a mother hen with her chickens all gathered together, i feel complete as a mother.
So many nights i lay in bed and wondered if God really was going to move on the situation. But he would whisper to me, repeating his promise. I would confide in him that even though i wasn't sure, i would lay all the faith i had out to him and trust him with it.
I see now that Alix had to go through all that crap. She has an extreme personality and had to experience extreme things.
When she came home, she said how she loved being here where she knew she was loved and wanted. Something she had forgotten, living on the streets where people only 'loved' you when you had something they wanted.
Since she's been home, she's been going to church and bible study etc, and soaking it all up.

Over the last two weeks, she's had to go to the next town for blood tests etc due to complications with the pregnancy and she's been feeling quite vulnerable, open and raw. We've spent a lot of close traveling time together and had some awesomely open conversations that i thought we'd never have! I've gotten to know different aspects of Alix and I've seen more of myself in her at that age than i thought was possible. At the same time, she's realised that she can trust me enough to talk about personal things that she didn't think she could before.
It's all just so awesome, and i can't express my gratitude enough!

Two weeks ago we went on a holiday to the Gold Coast. While there we went to a TimeZone [a game arcade place] and there was one of those pain-in-the-butt claw machines full of Nintendo characters. Well, Luigi from Mario Bros is Jasons fav all time game character. Followed closely by Mario. Jason wanted one of those toys SOOOOOOO bad that he prayed earnestly to God that he would get one from the machine that day.
Well he didn't win one, John didn't win one for him, and i couldn't win one. But Rose, using her own money, won him not only a Luigi, but a Mario as well.
That was a great lesson for Jason, and i hope he remembers it!
If we ask God for something, he will answer. He knows the desires of our hearts and wants us to be happy. And he usualy doesn't answer in the way we think he will, and if his answer is in our favour, more abundantly than we expect.

I'm sure God was smiling on this face :o)

I have a few Christian themed T-shirts that i wear for what i call "token evangelism". I didn't wear any to work for the first 6 weeks as it's a close environment and i wanted people to see me as the relatively easy going, every day person i am rather than be afraid to speak to me at all because i look like a bible basher.
I wore my shirt with the above print a week ago. People were a little taken back by it and most tried to pretend they hadn't even seen it, even though i knew they had just read it [either that or a lot of people checked out my boobs carefully that day lol] And i came home happy to know that i'd let people know i was a Christian without a word being said about it.
Then i went back to wearing my usual one liner T-Shirts.
Today i wore the Christian shirt again. Just before the first break i said a little prayer in my head, "Please God, people should feel easy enough around me now. Let my shirt stir curiosity and let people feel comfortable and willing to bring up the subject of you and let me have the right words to answer them."
Then we went to our break and afterwards i moved to a new item to pack [Coz i was bored with the previous item. We do it a lot] Less than 5 minutes into it, the woman [about 21yo] next to me [who i've only spoken to briefly once before, and about the town tart] said to me, "Have you heard of Hillsong?" I said i had and i'd been there once. And she said " I grew up in Hillsong. My parents pushed that way of life onto me so much that now i just don't want anything to do with it." I said " What do you have the most problem with?" And she said "Well for starters, i just don't get the 10 commandments. They are impossible to keep." And i started with "Ok well that's where Jesus comes in......." And the lady packing behind me started listening in too, but tried not to look too obvious.

I was really surprised at how quickly that all happened. I'm still a bit taken back by it.
Thanks God, for the opportunity. That was awesome and i can see a few doors opening there! WooHooooooo!!!

Today i worked really hard. I moved the product faster than I've ever moved. I missed my second dose of pain killers for the day and i worked for 8 hours on my feet.
Now i am home. My feet hurt, my back hurts, my knees hurt, my fingers are numb and I'm tired...so tired.
But praise God i have a job, a good job with good, honest pay and I'm going back tomorrow to do it all again! Bring it on! *
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Seriously...it's totally awesome! :o)

I love spring! I love the way the garden comes alive, and i wait for three whole seasons of the year for this one. Where the fruit of my garden labour is rewarded. And each new flower reminds me of Gods love. It's like he hand painted each one. I thank God when a plant blooms, as if it were a gift just for me. Because i feel blessed just to see it :o) I don't let the kids pick my flowers because they belong in the garden, a giving vase.
All spring the garden is in flower, and all season it is just like God has laid out a visual banquet and said, "Here you are Sharron, because i love you."

Yes i realise that sounds very sappy but it's just the way it it ok?!? lol

At my new job i have had a bit of juvenile trouble from another woman who calls herself a Christian. I spoke to a couple of women in the church about it and one suggested that it might be a case of Satan using her to rob me of my joy of working. Satan doesn't want me in a position to grow as a person so he'll jab into my side where he can.
The other woman said that when our circumstances change, so do the attacks.

Yesterdays church message was about believing we are how God sees us. We read/hear the words, but do we believe them in our every day life?
Friday at work was hard for me. I came home absolutely spent! So this morning, on the way to work, i prayed that i would see myself how he does and i would have a great day at work and have joy in it.

...then it was bloody horrible!!! It was a great day till after lunch. Then i got moved to the beginning of the production line, packing meat that was sticking together, into boxes that were moving too fast. I kept fighting to keep the boxes still while the box guy was pushing them harder along, despite my please for him to slow down. I asked my supervisor to move me to a less speedy spot, but he dismissed my request and told me to deal with it.
Cutting a long story short i ended up letting my boxes get away from me and i got overwhelmed and started crying out of frustration.
I told the supervisor i was going to the loo and i walked away.
I sat in the bathroom till i composed myself and i called John so he could make me feel better, which he did :o) I felt really stupid and defeated. Everyone else was able to do the job so why couldn't i keep up?
I walked back into the factory [where everyone now knew i'd been crying and i'd run off]
and i apologised to my supervisor. He gave me the job of breaking up boxes and helping the packers. Some of the women were not happy at my "Princess fit" and made no effort to hide it.
I couldn't wait for the day to be over when i could just run home to the safety of my family and cry into my pillow.

But after i left work and had time to think about the situation, I realised that even though what i felt there today was horrible and the events that led to it were yucky, it was actually a good thing. God heard my prayer and was working on it before i had even finished asking. Satan heard my prayer as well, and done his best to make me fail. He wanted me to feel the frustration and be overwhelmed. He wanted me to feel like a failure and use the little window i had to quit and walk away. Away from the job and back to being a bored housewife with feelings of personal financial inadequacy.

So if he's going to go to all that effort to sabotage my new life, What God has planned for me must be REALLY awesome!!! WoooHooooooo!!!

Today i realised something. When i was a young teenager, I was primarily into gay music. I loved Frankie Goes To Hollywood and their music blatantly promotes gayness. Although i didn't realise that at the time. It was all innocent to me.
About two years ago i bought the Frankie "best of" CD, and even though I'm now aware of the lyrical gayness, i still hear it as i did when i was 13-15, all about innocent stuff.
I also liked Bronski Beat a lot. I wore the cassette tape out and it was only recently that i decided to buy it again, on CD.
It arrived this morning [eBay transaction] and of course i put it straight in the CD player. Well i don't remember them being so blatantly gay in their music either! But i still heard what i did when i first listened to them.
However, that's not the reason for this post. The reason is:
I realised that it was Bronski Beats song, "It ain't necessarily so" that raised the very first spark of curiosity about the bible in my life.
Funnily enough, the song questions the bibles content, so, Eh?
It's an awesome thing when God can use my love of an openly gay band, and a song that defies his very word, to plant a seed that would eventually lead me to him.
It would be another 13 years before i gave Jesus my heart.
It was awesome to hear that song and realise that, that's what started it. And even though the song isn't a good one to listen to in a Christian walk, I'll always appreciate it :o)

From that horrible spiritual place i was at only a month ago, My life has had a complete turn around.
I leaned on God and refused to let go through my darkest hour, and he has and is working wonders in my life!
Little things here and there. The best way to discribe it is, it feels like new little baby branches reaching for the sun in between the old familiar branches. They'll eventualy get larger and stronger than the old branches, and the old branches will gradualy be in the distant shade.

Thank you God, for never leaving me. For always being what you promised.

I have stumbled in my mission.
I have to say this, before i forget how i feel.
I'm sorry God. I'm sorry i'm like this. I'm sorry for throwing this in your face.
I was making so much progress with the gift you gave me, untill i fell flat on my face. But i will get back there, with your help, and only with your help.
Please forgive me for the ugliness i've made it. And please help me do better tomorow. Right here and now, God. I give tomorow to you. And the next day, and the next.
I'm sorry, Really i am.

I have realised that i am very immature in my walk with Jesus. As you may know, i was saved 11 years ago. But after i learned the truth, i just kinda wondered around in the wilderness for 7 - 8 years. Then i really started to blossom in my relationship with God, once we joined the church we are with. For the first time in all that time, i really devoloped a relationship with our Lord!

But alas, i am still at the babe stage. My prayer life doesn't go beyond my family and freinds. I hear people praying for revival, the government, other governments etc, but i just can't feel for those things and i feel guilty. As much as i am not a selfish person at all, i just can't move past praying for my family. This was really driven home, when someone prayed today about the musicians that went before the armies in bible times. They asked that we have the same heart.

I thought to myself, "Gee, that's sooo beyond me!"

I better work on getting out of this milk fed baby stage. Or at least ask God to help me move past it!

Thanks God, For showing me when things need to change :o)

Before we even got to the Gold coast for our holiday, and to pick Alix up, Alix decided that she didn't want to come home, but that she wanted to stay at her fathers. Then she said she wasn't sure what she wanted to do.

When i first saw Alix, she had barely changed! She was still my baby girl. I would never have known she'd been defilled :o(

She has settled down a lot though, within herself. She's matured a bit and is not so excitable. She tested waters by saying various things, and i just knew what to say to everything. It was awesome!

She's going to stay in Brisbane untill the end of the school year, but for tonight she is staying with us. We are going to watch "Mean girls" and talk and stuff. I found a laptop, so i thought i'd add this post while i'm still excited about Gods promise to let everything fall into place at the right time.

Thanks God for knowing everything and for really being in charge :o)

I have decided to have a go at writing a song [or 2] for our worship team. A few months ago, Colin [The worship leader] told us that there is a song within all of us, and he'd like to see them.
Graeme [Our paster] and Janine [Another of our worship leaders] wrote one each, and they were [are] great. Then the teens on the team have been writing them ever since. Pretty much just streaming them out!
Colin mostly puts the music to songs, and it is mostly piano stuff.
I'd like to do something kinda "Rocky".
I'm working on it :o)

I have a not-so-distant past that involves pot [Marijuana]. I've never been ashamed of it or seen it as a problem, untill lately.
*Insert corney flashback sequence*
I grew up with pot as just a part of everyday life. It was the recreational drug at our family parties, and mum used to grow it in the vege garden [to keep the white butterflies out lol] Allthough i waited till i was 13 before i shared my first joint with the brother of a freind. After that it was socialy common place for me.
When i was 17, i moved out of home and in with a 21yo drug [pot] dealer. It became my job to make up the packeges to sell, and to be the go-between mule.
I left him 2 years later, but i was still mixing with the same crowds. In fact everyone i dated was a pot smoker.
I became a Christian, Giving my life to Jesus, when i was 26. But still the pot didn't come into it.
Jesus worked on the inside issues according to what he thought were relevent at the time, As he still is.
I continued to smoke pot when the social occasion arose, and sometimes i bought some. I even enjoyed getting stoned to contemplete God.
It didn't even cross my mind about the fact that it was against the law to smoke it. I guess if something is ok in your mind, it's just ok all 'round. My kids never saw me smoke though. I knew enough to keep it from them. Funny huh? I've always preached against drugs to the kids, but in my mind, pot was seporate from those other drugs.
Then, only a few months ago, i was hanging around up the back yard, smoking a joint. And the holy spirit started convicting me about it for the first time. For the first time ever, i felt bad about being stoned. And that wasn't very comfortable! I felt the need to through it all out, the pot, the container i kept it in, the bong, the rolly papers, and the lighter.
But i didn't. I held onto it all for nearly a week. That whole week was very uncomfortable! God was saying, "Get rid of it, And don't do it anymore!" And i kept saying," But Gooood it's not thaaaat bad [Whine, sulk]" But God is persistant and when he wants something, he wants it NOW! So he wasn't getting off my back. After a week of constant nagging, i took all that stuff and put it in a plastic bag, and put it in the big bin.
The next morning i lay in bed and listened as the garbage truck came and as i listened to the bin being emptied into the truck, i realised it was the end of part of my life that i never thought i'd say good bye too. It wasn't untill it was gone, that i realised just how wrong it was. I'd carried on a healthy Christian life, and yet God waited 10 years to point out my era with it. That's a long time!
So now i am embarassed to say that i smoked pot till only a few months ago, Ackwardly embarassed. But it's gone now, and i will never smoke it again. My life has been 100% freed of a life long thing. Even if it did take a while to point out! lol

Thanks God, for doing things in your own timing, and for giving me an obedient heart :o)

In regards to the post a few days down, about how i can see God's handy work in preperation for Alix's return, I forgot to mention this;
God has also enabled me to see that i'm not only not a bad parent, but that i'm actualy a pretty good mum.
When we meet or hear of a troubled kid who acts out a lot, we automaticaly assume that child has come from a troubled home. A home where they are being neglected of attention and affection. I'm guilty of assuming that myself when i meet other rotten kids.
And people have always assumed that of Alix. In fact, we've NEVER been able to get Alix the counciling and medical attention she desprately needs. Because EVERYONE just assumes that all Alix needs, is a few hugs, encouragement, and positive reinforcement.
I have 2 other children who are very happy, well adjusted and stable.
I've always tried to treat my kids the same.
And yet i just believed what the general attitude was. I felt like a bad mother, a failure, because all my efforts to raise Alix right were fruitless.
In the time that Alix has been away, i've had the time to really see my two other children.
I didn't realise untill now, just how much time i was spending on Alix, and in turn, neglecting my other two. The past eight months have been spent really getting to know them and enjoying them. They are great kids with a great sense of humour. Awesome talents and great schooling habits. I knew all this before, but it was more of a relief because i didn't have to worry about them at the same time as worrying about Alix.
I look at these two wonderful kids and i realise something i've never allowed myself to entertain in my mind - I'm a good mum. I really am a good mum. I might not be a sports mum who enrolls her kids into every sport. And i might not be active with the P&C school commitee.
But i respect my children, i listen to them, & i welcome their ideas and viewpoints.
I encourage them to be the best people they can be, both at home, and in the communitee.
We are affectionate with each other. Rose isn't a kissy huggy person, but she likes har back rubbed and her hair played with. Jason loves kisses & cuddles, and sitting close on the couch.
Jason likes collecting little rocks and Rose can't throw out any piece of paper.
We play together and i'd drop whatever i'm doing to read them a story book.
I'm doing my best to raise happy little soldiers for God, who will see God as a loving father, rather than a big judge with a big stick.
I am a good mum, and i know that when Alix comes home, how i deal with her will now be motivated more by fairness and love, rather than guilt.

I couldn't see any of this before, but with Alix gone, God has let me see.

Thanks God :o)
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(BTW "Parenthood" is one of my favourite all time movies :o)

I put my hand up a while ago, to decorate the back church wall. Any opportunity to get dirty and messy is good! lol
I was stumped at first for ideas. But i got a few ideas together, that in hindsight, kinda looked better on paper than on 3 seporate & complicated parts of a wall. But i'd already bought the materials so yesterday i started on the back wall.
Before i started, i gave the project to God. I asked him to piece the project together nicely. I offered my hands, that he might use for his glory. I gave him the limited materials and asked that it would be enough.
In one day i've seen his hand on it twice. Once where he measured something correctly to the milimetre [I can't measure correctly enough to save myself!] And once where the materials for one part stretched juuust enough [With none left over], even though i thought i'd had too much.
I am trusting God that this will work out just as he wants it. I will not take the glory if people love it, and i will not take the responsibility if people hate it. I'm wholeheartedly giving myself to God to use as an instrument.
I'll post photos here when it's finished :o)

Thank you God, For giving me a talent that i can lift back up to you :o)
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I want my voice back though! Y'know, whenever you're ready lol :o)

I have the flu with a bit of larengitus [However it's spelt]. Every year i seem to get larengitus, and i don't mind it so much. Except that i lose my ability to sing anything resembling a note. And that kills me, because i sing aaaaall the time! I enjoy singing for Jesus, and i don't think there is anything much better than getting a praise song stuck in my head!
And when i get sick, Even when the larengitus gets better in my talking voice, my singing voice takes weeks longer to heal! I actualy get depressed over it :o(
Over the last two days, i've randomly sung a few lines of a praise song. And i have been awesomely blessed. My talking voice is quite croaky, but i can still sing.
I am happy to lie on my couch, snorting, coughing, choking, sweating and freezing. But as long as i can still sing, i'll smile :o)

Thanks God, For allowing me to still praise your loving name, Even when i shouldn't really be able to! :o)

]Forth of the 10 commandments. So many of us struggle with it, Especialy those of us who have been exposed to Seventh Day Adventist teaching. Mainly because the bible backs up this command is so many places, it's very hard to ignore as a hot issue!
As Christians, we want to do the right, and be loyal servants of God.
I have been to a few SDA churches, and i didn't like any of them as a church. They seem to feel as though most of the universe revolves around this one commandment. My daughters have actualy been told they are going to hell because they worship on a Sunday.
So why do we worship on a Sunday if i'm conflicted by the sabbath? Because overall, we have to go where we feel we should be. Where it feels "Right". And i didn't feel like i belonged in the SDA church at all. Should we go to a lousy church just to make sure we are keeping all the commandments, according to the works theory? Or go to a church where all our spiritual needs are been met, but not on the 7th day? I try not to think about it too much, but occasionaly i dwell on it. Is that Satan trying to stir the pot, or God telling me to obey?
Here is my stand on this at the moment:
In the old testament, people didn't have a personal relationship with God [except the odd person he spoke to]. He set up some basic rules for people to live by, to show their loyalty and obedience to him. These rules were not to be broken.
Then Jesus came to live with us. When this happened, we were able to have a personal relationship with God through Jesus. If we are living every day as Jesus asks us to, then we are spending every day with God, and God in us. So then, doesn't every day become the sabbath day? And because we strive for ALL of our actions to be in Christ, resting in Christ. [Spiritual rest] As long as we reserve one day specificaly to fellowship in his house, Aren't we keeping the sabbath? It's not the 7th day, but it is a day of worship and rest.
Jesus came to fulfill the law, not to break it or change it. But fulfill it...he became the law, He became the sabbath, and he is within us, and us in him.

That's where i stand today :o)

I also read in interesting idea, that the seventh day may or may not be an eternal day.

This revelation of forgiving Peter, and telling him that, and why, has become apparent even more by the fact that i rang the correctional centre this morning where he is being held. Apparently he has been trying to hurt himself. When i heard that, i felt genuine empathy. This man doesn't know God, and he needs him in his life as soon as possible. It's become obvious to me that i'm the one God wants to take God to him.
Peter is very anti-God, so i will wait on God to tell me what to write.

I am still overwhelmed by the fact that last night i hated this man, and i just wanted to smack him around a bit. My sister and I had a conversation where we would both go to the trial and try to bribe the police into letting us have just 10 minutes in the watch house with Peter before the trial to mess him up a bit.And today i want to help him heal. I find that very bizzare, so i can't imagine what you, the reader, must think!

Thanks God, for giving me the ability to WANT to honour you :o)

It's funny, But after i wrote down how i felt yesterday, The weight started lifting fairly quickly. [Not off my hips, off my mind] It was like God was saying, "Ok, I've allowed you to feel these human emotions. Now move away from them and freely do what i ask."
While i was praying, God told me i need to forgive Peter, and send him a note in prison to say that i forgive him, and why. So, as much as my limited understanding is, I forgive this man for what he has taken from my daughter. I will show him the love that is required of me, through Christ. And it will be genuine :o)

Thank you God, For always being in charge. For giving me a spirit of obedience, and for being a loving, gentle father :o)

In regards to the June 25th post, about the Christian guy that loathes me, On Sunday i was absolutely FLOORED when HE approached me and started a conversation!!! He talked so much that i could barely get a word in! Not that i couldn't have spoken if i wanted to, because my jaw was stuck to the floor lol. John, who was standing next to me, was pretty flabagasted as well. When the guy in question walked away, i just turned toward John and gave thanks to God.
Much to the amusement of the woman behind us, who had no idea what was going on, and it would have looked like i was calling John, God, and praying to him lol

I believe this turn around wouldn't have happened if i hadn't asked God to intervene. This guy and i have been staying out of each others way for 2 years with no variation, and as soon as i give it to God, things do an about face within 3 weeks!

Thanks God for being so awesome! And for reminding me to give things to you first, before trying to fix it myself. Thanks for hearing my prayer and answering it quickly. I don't know what you whispered to this guy or how you worked with his heart, but i'm very grateful for the knowledge that YOU are in control of everything. NOT us! :o)

* Picture came from this site